Hilarious Music Instructions: “Shouting-in-the-pub Voice,” and Crazier…

Most musical directions are written in Italian. Percy Grainger and others began using their native language (gasp! the sacrilege!), because, why wouldn’t you? It’s what Italian composers did in the way-back because the musicians reading it were, well, Italian.


György Ligeti experiments with extreme volumes – aka “shouting-in-the-pub voice” and “shouldn’t-really-be-talking-in-the-library voice” – in his Etudes for piano.

image: http://i.imgur.com/gRMXOd2.jpg?1

Leggierissimo e legatissimo

The great Romantic pianist/composer Chopin annotated his score leggierissimo e legatissimo (extremely light and delicate with a very smooth effect). Here’s a thought Friedrich, if you’re so keen on your piece being played light and smooth, how about re-evaluating your choice of SIX FLATS.

image: http://i.imgur.com/4qzAF4Z.jpg?1


In the 1980s, Karajan was a particular fan of Tempo di Merchant Ivory.

image: http://i.imgur.com/gzb2UQt.jpg?1

Erik Satie: Limp Preludes (for a dog)

No survey of the bizarre in classical music is complete without a mention of this Parisian. In the field of directions, his offer some particular highlights, including Imbibet (drunken) and Corpulentus (Corpulent). You provide the wine, we’ll bring the pies.

image: http://i.imgur.com/W9yKnUw.png?1

dCounting to 5.5

Why this wasn’t notated in 11/16 will no doubt go down as one of the great mysteries of all music.

image: http://i.imgur.com/YJMxnJQ.jpg?1

Don’t you mean tactus-box?

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The wifi’s pretty dodgy in the orchestra pit anyway.

image: http://i.imgur.com/JqRoGDu.jpg

The maligned Maestro

Also found at the top of every viola score (jokes).

image: http://i.imgur.com/NK76cq6.jpg

How soft, Pyotr Ilyich?

Yep, even back in 1893 Tchaik was at it. It’s probably one of the most iconic performance directions ever, in one of the most devastating moments in symphonic music. Shh.

image: http://i.imgur.com/jv17RlF.png?1


When precision is important. Feel free to calculate the rallentando on the 3rd page. It’s dN/dt = -Nλ

image: http://i.imgur.com/53dduDS.jpg?1

Sometime you’ve just got to go for it…

image: http://i.imgur.com/l760hHd.jpg

And for the Finale…

image: http://i.imgur.com/a5tcfpz.gif

Read more at http://www.classicfm.com/discover/music/bizarre-performance-directions/#OlyWtmwuEd4gMsQ8.99


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